Relationships are hard work. Being in a relationship is a decision you make, and with it comes the responsibility to uphold it.
Often, people break up over relatively simple things: lack of time, boredom, or no shared interests. These issues are usually not noticeable in the beginning when you’re in the euphoria of infatuation and only see your partner’s greatness. Their jokes are the funniest, their touch is the gentlest, and their hugs are the warmest.
Over time, routine sets in—shared daily life, travel, and responsibilities. There may be fewer flowers, and a real person may have real flaws. It is during this period that genuine relationships gradually strengthen, while temporary ones come to an end. This is a normal, healthy progression of events: you either accept it or you don’t—there’s no middle ground.
Why Do Relationships Fall Apart?
Trust is always important in a relationship. When someone doubts their partner, how can they believe in themselves? This is why jealousy is a destructive emotion that has no place in a healthy, conscious relationship.
If you tend to feel jealous, consider these aspects:
Why Are You Jealous?
There are usually two reasons: either you lack confidence in yourself, or you don’t trust your partner. In the first case, you need to work on improving your self-esteem. In the second case, think about the real reasons for your distrust. Where did they hurt you, and why haven’t you discussed it yet?
Insecurity can also come from wounds in previous relationships. These should never be carried over into the present. Let the past stay in the past; you’re with a different person now, so use your experience rather than dragging old resentments into your life.
What Will Jealousy Get You?
What do you feel in the moment? You get angry imagining someone approaching your partner. But it’s not written on their forehead that they’re in a relationship. If you’re angry with your partner, revisit the previous point. If they’re honest with you, they’ll dismiss anyone trying to flirt.
Think About Yourself
Why waste your nerves on emotions that will inevitably affect your relationship? Be proud of your partner, their beauty, and their charm. We are in each other’s lives to make each other happy. Why stay in a relationship where you’re not happy?
Signs of Toxic Relationships
What should you do if your relationship is filled with “sick” love? These are typically called toxic relationships:
- Do you constantly fight?
- Does he raise his hand against you?
- Does she never let you see your friends?
- Does he live off you while you work two jobs?
- Does he anxiously check your phone and restrict your time on social media?
- Does he only let you go out with him and set a time limit?
- Are you always crying and anxious?
Why Stay in Such a Relationship?
If your answer to this question is “I love them,” then what kind of love is that? This isn’t love; it’s an illness. That’s not how love works! You deserve to be happy! Your partner should inspire you. They should understand, trust, and love you, just as you should for them.
Relationships aren’t horrible—they’re wonderful. Of course, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. It’s normal to have conflicts and misunderstandings sometimes. What matters is how you resolve them.
Not with broken dishes and shouting, but through calm conversation and mutual understanding. It can be difficult to speak rationally in the heat of emotion, so cool down before talking. Always start by working on yourself. But if your relationship is full of violence and you see your partner losing their mind, ask yourself if you need a relationship that makes you feel worthless. Relationships that demotivate and don’t inspire you?
People often stay in toxic relationships not because they love their partner, but because they’re afraid. They have nowhere else to go, and they fear the unknown.
The Cycle of Toxic Relationships
Toxic relationships are a vicious cycle, a vortex that pulls you in and is much harder to escape than it seems.
Relationships should exist to make you happy. Good, quality relationships are those where you’re better together than apart, not the other way around.
It’s important to understand the root cause of toxicity and what contributed to its development. If you’re in the early stages of frequent conflicts and misunderstandings, try to identify the core problem. Maybe it’s worth working things out rather than ending the relationship. But if you realize that any work on the relationship is doomed to fail, draw conclusions and learn from your mistakes to avoid a similar outcome in future relationships. Always work on yourself first, not on your partner.
Manipulation in Relationships
Manipulators target a person’s basic needs, stereotypical behavior, weaknesses, and psychological traits. They exploit fear, guilt, and attachment:
- “I feel lonely without you”—shifting their inability to be alone onto the partner.
- “I don’t have time for this”—placing all the responsibility for solving problems in the relationship on the partner.
- “You don’t love me”—stemming from a lack of self-acceptance and attention, leading to manipulation to prove attachment.
- “If this happens again, we’ll break up”—a common tactic for those dissatisfied with the relationship but unwilling to take drastic action.
- “It’s me or them”—driven by dissatisfaction with their own life, leading to blaming the partner.
However, the worst form of manipulation is silence, leaving the partner alone with their thoughts and feelings.
The Path to Healthy Relationships
Many relationships start at the peak of emotions. It’s not love but uncontrolled attraction that pulls people in, switching off their rational mind. As long as the attraction lasts, so does the relationship.
The better approach is a gradual, gentle development of the relationship. It starts with affection, followed by attraction and the desire to spend more time together. The couple may move in or start spending more leisure time together. Common interests arise, deep conversations happen more often, and a strong friendship forms, based on mutual help, respect, and acceptance. This is when qualities that unite both partners begin to emerge, creating the attachment that leads to a strong relationship.
Read my post about The Secret to Ideal Relationships https://chillscribe.com/the-secret-to-harmonious-ideal-and-beautiful-relationships/
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